"5:30 Central Time"
Good evening, this is Jobe Lord with the news. Today there was a natural disaster. Earlier, a crazy person started shooting in a crowded place. The GOP and Dems disagreed on a measure before Congress. Jesse Helms says we should no longer send aid to poor people in countries where the schools teach that the Earth is round.
Someone has done something zany, and may have set a new world's record in the process. Something happened which will make mothers terrified for their children. Meanwhile there's been an exciting scientific discovery which might mean something after 6 more years of study. This could mean we're going to conquer AIDS or cancer, but it could as easily mean a new artificial sweetener.
Things are rough in Bosnia. The Lebanese Christians and Moslems each claimed to have destroyed the other totally. There was a coup in Latin America or Africa. Some people from the Mideast killed some people from the Mideast, Europe, the U.S., or all three. There are new developments on the road to Mideast Peace and nuclear disarmament, which may be discouraging or hopeful.
Also, there were far fewer murders, rapes, and babynappings than you expect after listening to our reports.
Some sports teams beat an equal number of other teams. A few of the stronger teams think they may win the championship, though they have some old players, some novices, and several who are injured.
The Stock Market opened. Later it closed. A lot of people got very excited and a lot of paper was shuffled in between.
In other economic news, things look bleak for most American farmers and for the poor.
Thanks for joining us. I'm Jobe Lord for Broadcasting Network. Good night.